WHAT WE SEE IN OTHERS IS OFTEN OURSELVES – Understanding Projection Through Torah, Psychology, And Neuroscience

There’s a folk saying: When you point a finger at someone, three fingers point back at you. Psychology calls this projection—the tendency to see in others what we cannot face in ourselves.

Sigmund Freud coined the term in 1894, describing it as a defense mechanism. If I’m envious but can’t tolerate that feeling, I may unconsciously accuse others of being envious. My inner world is projected outward, distorting perception.

But the Torah already hinted at this deep truth.

“And Noach began to be a man of the soil, and he planted a vineyard. He drank of the wine and became drunk, and he uncovered himself within his tent. And Cham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and he told his two brothers outside. And Shem and Yefes took a garment, placed it upon both their shoulders, and they walked backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned backward, and they did not see their father’s nakedness.”
(Genesis 9:20–23)

Weren’t they curious? How is it that Shem and Yefes “did not see” their father’s nakedness? Because they were not looking for shame. Their focus was on honoring their father—the man who had just saved humanity. They covered him while walking backwards, their eyes trained toward dignity rather than scandal.

The lesson: we see what we carry. As Rabbi Jonathan Sacks put it, perception is not passive. It is shaped by what we train our eyes—and hearts—to seek.

Chassidic teachings deepen this idea. The Baal Shem Tov taught: “What you see in others is within you.” The faults that most irritate us are often divine cues—nudges to examine our own soul. Instead of dismissing them, we can use these projections as invitations to refine ourselves.

Modern psychology agrees. Carl Jung called these unseen traits the “shadow”—the parts of ourselves we repress but encounter in others. Neuroscience now supports this too. According to Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, the brain doesn’t just record reality—it predicts it. Our experiences shape the patterns we expect to see. If I habitually notice arrogance or dishonesty, it may say more about my inner wiring than the outer world.

Torah psychology turns this into a spiritual practice. The commandment “Love your fellow as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18) includes the phrase “as yourself” for a reason. If we don’t cultivate self-love and compassion inwardly, we project judgment outwardly. As the Alter Rebbe writes in Tanya (chapter 30), judging others favorably begins with humility and awareness of our own inner battles.

Projection also has societal implications. Entire communities can project their fears or flaws onto scapegoats, fueling gossip and division. Lashon hara (evil speech) isn’t just forbidden speech—it reflects distorted vision. As the Chofetz Chaim warned, it trains the eye to seek fault, turning projection into habit.

So, when you feel a flash of judgment—“They’re arrogant,” “He’s dishonest”—pause. Ask: Why is this what I’m noticing? That question can shift you from blame to awareness. From distortion to growth.

In the Chassidic view, the world is a mirror, lovingly placed by Heaven to help us see more clearly—not others, but ourselves.

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With Gratitude,

Rus Devorah

References:

Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Baal Shem Tov. (n.d.). Toldos Yaakov Yosef, Parshas Noach; Kesser Shem Tov (§69).
Freud, S. (1894). The neuro-psychoses of defence. Standard Edition (Vol. 3, pp. 41–61).
Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self. Princeton University Press.
Lubavitcher Rebbe. (n.d.). Likkutei Sichos (Vol. 27, Parshas Kedoshim, p. 168).
Sacks, J. (1986). Torah studies: Discourses of the Lubavitcher Rebbe. Kehot Publication Society.
Schneur Zalman of Liadi (Alter Rebbe). (n.d.). Tanya (Ch. 30).
Torah. Bereishis (Genesis) 9:20–23.